Hello. My name is David Jonsson. I am Deaf.
I am blogging about my Deafhood- my journey in this life, being in this sensory perceiving body that detects vibrations. Normalcy is enemy of diversity. Let me be. Hearing Aids and technology is fine, but don’t control ME with it. It is a tool for ME.. for ME to detect the vibrations I choose. If you insist on me hearing you, then speak my language. Don’t make me listen to yours. And all this punctuation and complete sentences.. I’m tired of it. I need my own language to express who I am. Visual.
I heard that faith cometh by hearing, and knowledge by seeing.
What else? nothing. Who I am is not to be judged on the basis of my acquisition or my ability to process and consume your information. I speak of ‘your’ because 99.99% of all people my whole life until maybe 2 years ago have been hearing and speaking folks. So I never had confirmation or validity for my perspective, the Deaf-center.. until the internet. So the channel is what allowed the information. Hearing aids my whole life connected me, then internet broadened the range.
Fine. So now what? nothing. I am here, now. This moment has value enough that I can publish my stream of consciousness. What am I saying? nothing. I’m OK with that.. just clicking away on these letters.. creating feelings and energy.. producing.. something. But what? who cares. Why? why not. The function of my post is to feel like I did something. I worked. I.. AM.
Im glad I got fired from my last job.. actually I quit but I didn’t tell them. They were fucking Audist. Wanna hear about it? As brief as I can: I requested texting accommodation and was denied. Furthermore, they insisted that not only I call, but I have to go through an extra hoop and be on phone longer. Essentially speak to the manager just to inform them I’m not coming in. My ears hurt. They didn’t believe me. The denied my request for leave of absence. But then lied about that to the Investigator with EEOC, because I filed a Complaint of Discrimination. Anyway.. so then the fuckin Civil Rights Department decides NO Probable Cause in favor of Respondent. So hearing people defending hearing people. I am still alone. We need Deaf Politics. Deaf people defending Deaf people. I joined NAD. Perhaps I will re-engage them on the situation.
I joined Deaf Club and they all understand my situation- like it’s an everyday thing and suddenly I feel like, you know what, fuck it, im cool. Its all good because Im not the only one. Does Google give my blog a lower ranking for not including apostrophe? How do I make that plural? ASL is better in many regards. Why did they not teach me? I feel denied. I’m not trying to play victim. I am victim.. to Audism, Oralism, Mainstreaming, isolation, ethnocide, epistemic violence, economic oppression, employment discrimination, etc. Don’t fucking tell me this isnt a reality. I must trust how I feel is real for me.
But I AM moving on.. but not for you. I am letting go for me. So I can have peace and just live my life. I don’t want to fight the system.. but I can tell my story and maybe it will make the next generation of Deaf culture a little more accepted because of an understanding I was able to convey. Besides, I can’t keep it all in.
I AM angry. Does that scare you? good. Im standing up, because Im tired of cowering and appeasing and catering to your need to be heard. I hereby put my attention where I choose. Im tired of lipreading and actively listening and not being appreciated for the extra energy I put in and you cant even face me when I need to see you to understand you? You insist on making me use phone when Im standing in your office. You offer me TTY and I have never used that. I’m telling YOU what I need to communicate. Like a ramp for wheelchair, I need texting, not voice. Fuck it. Im done.